|How To Be Annoying (A Guide) |
* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you ''like it that way.''
* Drum on every available surface.
* Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 800 operators for dates.
* Produce a rental video consisting
entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
* Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Write the surprise
ending to a novel on its first page.
* Specify that your drive-through order is ''to go.''
* Set alarms for random
* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* Order a side of pork rinds with
your filet mignon.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels
five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of ''Sweating to the Oldies'' over climactic parts of rental
movies. * Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* only type in lowercase.
* dont use any punctuation either.
* Buy a large quantity of orange
traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Repeat everything someone says, as
* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ''Do you hear that?'' ''What?'' ''Never mind, it's gone
* Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the laundromat, use
one dryer for each of your socks.
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling,
as they read.
* Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your
mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When
nearly done, announce ''No, wait, I messed it up!'' and repeat.
* Drive half a block.
* Name your dog ''Dog.''
Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with ''That's what YOU think.''
* Lick the filling
out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
* Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
listener it was a ''real hoot''.
* Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want
to fall off ''in case the big one comes''.
* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a
can of Lysol.
* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as ''Feliz Navidad'', the Archies'
''Sugar'' or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being
first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
* Sit in your front yard
pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* Invent nonsense
computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
* Wear a LOT of cologne.
* Ask to ''interface'' with someone.
* Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary
because of your ''superior mental processing.''
* Sing along at the opera.
* Mow your lawn with scissors.
a golf tournament, chant ''swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!''
* Finish all your sentences with the words ''in accordance
* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* Ask your co-workers mysterious questions,
and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about ''psychological profiles.''
* Stare at static on the
TV and claim you can see a ''magic picture''.
* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* Scuff your feet
on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward
silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
* Never make eye contact.
* Never break eye contact.
* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* Construct elaborate ''crop circles''
in your front lawn.
* Construct your own pretend ''tricorder'' and ''scan'' people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
* Holler random numbers while
someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
The Days of National Racking Week
First, I shall start this out with a short history. It started out as National Racking day on May 16 2003 because I was
racked 15 times within the first five minutes of school. Since May 16 is on a Sunday this year then National Racking Week
will always occur on the week of May 16. On Monday, it's Racking Day. Tuesday is Flick Someones Ears Day. Wednesday is Purple
Nurple Day. Thursday is Open Chest Day. Friday is Gut Buster Day. Don't be afraid to go all out, but beware how many people
you piss off.
Mall Tag...or whatever it's called
Here's the rules
1.Send one person out to go to any store they want
2.Once they get there, they give a clue
3.Every other team looks for them. They give a new clue every five min. until found or until the third clue
4.The third one should almost give them away
5.The team that finds them is it
6. You could have "Fortress" which is where you can hide in the clthes things in the clothes stores
7. You have to stay in one store
8.You can't hide in the dressing rooms
Take a plastic bag and fill it with feathers and raw hamburger meat.Borrow someones lawnmower and before you give it
back,tape the bag near the propeller thingy-ma-jigger.When they turn on the mower all the crap will get shredded and come
out of the mower.The guy will start looking for his pet to make sure he didn't run him over.
|Telemarketer Repellant |
- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name.
Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line
of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their
company for as long as necessary.
- Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak.
This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I
don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and
I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."
- If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
- Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so
you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess
you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
- Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your
- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
- When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.
Okay,peoples.First heres a list of what you will need.
1 Pair of sunglasses
1 Guitar case
1 Handful of loose change
The guts to pull this gig off
A blind man's cane would be nice(Don't steal it from a blind person)
Directions:Find a good street corner to sit on. Take out the guitar. Lay the case in front of you. Put in the change.
Put on the glasses. Play som Led Zeppelin.
Looking for some cool dance moves?Here's some:
1Phunky Phlounder-Stoned?Just flap your body parts indiscriminantly.(I learned this from a Phish concert.)
2.Instant Drunkie-Wrap your arm around the back of your head and hold your chin.Spin around as fast as you can for ten
secs and viola!
3.Horny penguin push ups-Ask Micheal M. about this.
Feel left out because you don't have a word to call your own?
U nasty fricken creature